About 3 weeks ago, I was having dinner with my 15 yo daughter at a restaurant in a very high traffic area. We were people-watching and we came to the conclusion that people very rarely chose a mate outside of their own appearance level. If the woman is unattractive, then her mate is unattractive, and the converse. We did our little experiment for about 30 minutes, and did not see any couple where one was significantly more/less attractive than the other.
This certainly does not seem to apply in Japan where women who look for mariage are far more interested in status and money than the guy's age or looks. I see that constantly.
I'm pretty sure this applies to other countries as well. Women are drawn to powerful men, because power translates to stability and security for the family.
''Our generation of women is constantly told to have high self-esteem, but it seems that the women themselves are at risk of ego-tripping themselves out of romantic connection,'' ...''They are with an '8' but they want a '10'. But then suddenly they're 40 and can only get a '5'!''
Women's value is primarily measures by beauty, men by power - we might dislike this, but that doesn't change it. These peak at different times for each gender.
I'm sure you're right that that's what women instinctively look for, but, in terms of stability, I wonder if in reality the reverse is true.
Powerful men have more women who find them attractive than less powerful men (for the reasons you stated). So they have more opportunities for affairs, as more women are into them.
To stay faithful, the powerful man has to say "no" more often than the less powerful man, and men aren't traditionally that good at saying "no".
So I think if a woman wants a stable relationship, the right strategy is to choose men who not many other women are drawn to (as opposed to trusting their man will say "no" consistently). If most other women are drawn to powerful men, the woman who wants a stable relationship should choose the less powerful man.
I'd say it's not that people don't want to date people that are far apart in attractiveness, but rather that everyone wants to date "up" or "across". And since if you go "up" the other goes "down", it tends to be "across".
Of course this assumes that attractiveness is objective, and purely physical. Which is false in both counts, but it's a simplification as we all know.
