There's no shame in being a freelance or employee. The whole "foster community" thing is extremely demanding and unlike what these "success stories" on youtube imply, it isn't for everyone.

Focus on what you do best or what is less stressful for you to do in the area you work on. Make some new friends, share some stories and have a laugh about the worst parts of the job when you can.

A humble, but peaceful life is better than getting consumed by a vortex of false promises and lies.